Why I can’t be a High School Teacher

May 13, 2007

the worst analogies ever written in a high school essay:

from: here

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


Remember when I said Dane Cook Sucked?

May 11, 2007

well, here:


On my girl Paris Hilton

May 11, 2007

Free Paris: 21,577

Jail Paris: 48,301

But, can’t we give her credit because she was so good in House of Wax?


Hi.

May 11, 2007

I’m Kenneday.
I’m going to actually keep up with the whole blog thing now. What you can expect from me: sarcasm, poetry, some baseball, and some pretty offensive rants.